My pastor screamed, “Your Boaz will find you this year!” My father was the first to stand up with his hands up screaming, “Amen!” His Amen was obviously for me while mother hits on the side to say “Amen.” My name is Esther Adebola. I am the only child for my parents, so, you can imagine the pressure that’s on me to get married. I am 30 years old with a successful career, I can cook, and I am very beautiful (at least that’s what my mirror tells me). I dread the holidays with my parents because all they talk about is my unplanned wedding.
From the day I was born in my Nigerian family, everything was decided for me. It seems I was born to fulfill my parent’s prophecy of my destiny. I have allowed them to control everything up until this point—my marriage. My parents can’t be the authors and finishers of my life so I have refused to succumb to their pressure by following these simple nuggets of wisdom:
- Marriage is a lifelong commitment, for better or for worse, and you should never allow anybody to choose a life partner for you. Neither should you allow anyone to pressure you into picking somebody quickly just to make them happy.
- Wedding is the easy part. Marriage is the real deal. Don’t get lost in the fantasy of having a wedding that you are not even prepared for your own marriage.
- A lot of people are interested in getting married but not actually staying married. When your goal is to stay married, you will approach dating from a different angle.
- You will never feel fully prepared for marriage so take the time necessary to prepare.
- Wedding is a celebration of love. If there’s no love, there’s no need for a wedding.
- Your choice of a partner will not only affect your life but your children’s lives as well. Think about your choice from your children’s perspective as well.
- No man can make you happy until you are happy with yourself. The true source of happiness can only be found in God. Are you complete by yourself?
- It is better to take your time and marry properly than to rush and be miserable.
- Not all married couples are happy in their marriages. Stop comparing your life to other people.
- You have to live with your choice for the rest of your life, thus, choose wisely.
These are my ten things. What are yours? Write out some strategies and game plan to keep you grounded when you are under a lot of pressure.
To summarize, you are responsible for the decisions you make. Don’t let other people influence your decision. Our Nigerian culture likes to impress other people; we see life from other people eyes (what will people say about me). We neglect ourselves in the effort of impressing others. Marriage is the worst place to impress people. You can wear a façade that all is well but you will be miserable for the rest of your life. Stop it!!! Make your own decision and be happy with your choice for yourself.
Stop letting your parents run your life this year, stand up and take charge of your life!!!
“Don’t marry for sex.
Don’t marry because you are of age.
Don’t marry because you are getting old.
Don’t marry because you are lonely.
Don’t marry because you need someone to support you financially,
don’t marry because you mistakenly got pregnant.
Don’t marry because you don’t want to lose the person.
Don’t marry because of family Pressures.
Don’t marry because you like the idea of marriage and admire every wedding gown you see.
Don’t marry because all your friends are getting married.
But get married because you are in love, get married because he or she is your best friend and when that love is no more, he or she can still make you smile.”-John Dumelo
Edited by: Kelli Busbee